Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The best revenge is premature balding
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
