4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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