someone get that fucking seahorse.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
