So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
