Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
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She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You are a genius and a whore.
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