We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She bit a glass in half.
The uberlube is also flammable
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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