Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
