Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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