somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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