They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
