I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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