he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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