Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
