She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
