I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
