Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
