I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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