it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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