We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
