We're like a lot better than the average bears
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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