if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Did I show you my penis last night?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
