...so i touched it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
All I want is dick and wine.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
