There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
