Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
