I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
