dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
