Buhtt sex?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
