he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
the night ended with taco bell and tears
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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