I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
