im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
