Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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