U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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