oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I need moral support for this bender
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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