I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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