Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
