yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
