i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's blow job season.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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