What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize