Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I could make wine with my vomit
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
