Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
