I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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