my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
