I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
