Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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