i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
