I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
