she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
