Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
