fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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