and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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