so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
