I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I cannot find my penis.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
