I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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