My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize