So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
