I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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