my soul wont recognize me after tonight
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
