you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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