She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
