I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
