i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
