I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
