Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
