he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize