I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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