Pregnant stripper...not hot.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
