TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just high enough for therapy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
