I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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