Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
