TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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