He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
