What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
